Reclaiming Cuteness as a Fat Femme by Ghia Vitale

Getting into plus-size fashion has helped me shape the narratives I want to surround my fat body. One of those narratives is that I’m cute as hell and deserve to wear clothes that are just as cute. In a world where the word “fat” is often used as a synonym for words like “unattractive” and “undesirable”, I enjoy embracing my fatness as part of my cuteness.

Google defines cuteness as being “attractive in a pretty or endearing way.” While I mostly agree with this definition at a base level, there’s an issue with it: Those who perceive fat people through society’s fatphobic lens would automatically exclude fat people from being cute based on this definition. However, the truth is that fat people are cute as fuck because of our bodies, not in spite of them. Reclaiming my cuteness as a fat femme has helped me become more attuned to my authentic self and what I want out of fashion. It’s also empowered me to become an advocate for making cute fashion available in plus sizes, including extended plus sizes.

When I talk about cuteness in this article, I’m talking about consensual cuteness. As in, when I wear cute fashion, it reflects my desire to be seen as adorable, delicate, and dreamy. As such, if someone remarks on one of my pastel goth photos that I look cute, it makes me feel validated and happy. The same applies to whenever someone compliments my cuteness in a photo in which I’m wearing nymphet fashion, kawaii fashion, cottagecore fashion, pastel goth, or any other style or aesthetic that could potentially emphasize cuteness as a central theme. 

What I’m not talking about is when a fat person wants to be seen as sexy, only to be told they’re “cute” in an infantilizing, de-sexualizing, and ultimately fatphobic way. (By the way, the aforementioned article is great and I suggest reading it!) I acknowledge that there are plus-size women and femmes who are fed up with being called cute as a fatphobic microaggression that backhandedly infantilizes and de-sexualizes them. Context and consent are the key factors here, and when I’m wearing cute fashion, I appreciate being called cute.

However, I feel like fat people are often excluded from The Cute Gaze, which I define as  the experience of being perceived as cute. Sure, people think chonky cats and fat animals are cute, but I rarely ever see that enthusiasm applied to fat humans. Dressing cute feels empowering to me and helps me get in touch with an inner-softness I’ve both yearned for and suppressed for a long time. Based on my experiences, fat people are often excluded from being seen as soft, delicate, kind, elegant, feminine, and many of the other attributes that people associate with cuteness, even when we’re clearly embodying those qualities. We’re also often excluded from the aesthetics we enjoy, including the more popular ones like cottagecore, lovecore, angelcore, and princesscore. On top of that, we have to dig more to find clothes that align with our cute aesthetic tastes rather than buy from trendy brands.

I’ve always wanted to harness the sugary-sweet power of cuteness, but I was intimidated by the fatphobia I would face. From an early age, I’ve been forced to confront and endure fatphobia on a daily basis. Up until entering my ninth-grade year in high school, I actively 

eschewed feminine styles and cute aesthetics. The mere thought of wearing cute, hyperfeminine fashion made me feel vulnerable to the harshest focal points of society’s gaze. Then I found a pink Hello Kitty shirt at Torrid, fell in love with it, and wore it to one of the first days at school. My peers were shocked because I only wore monochrome-black goth fashion before that. Back then, I didn’t even realize how possible and powerful it was/is to mix cute motifs, delicate details, and pastel colors with darker expressions of fashion. Nonetheless, rocking a pink Hello Kitty shirt was my first step toward embracing my cute femme presentation.

I still thought dressing up in cute styles would make it worse until well after I received my bachelor’s degree in 2013. I wasn’t brave enough to wear cutesy pastel colors or lacey crop tops until the summer of 2019, when I began wholeheartedly pursuing/embracing body positivity, fat liberation, and the importance of size diversity. Reading about these subjects opened doors in my mind politically, style-wise, and spiritually.

Looking back, prior to my getting involved with fat liberation, I didn’t feel as though I had the right to feel or present myself as cute. It took a sizable amount of internal work, including processing trauma, to purchase my first crop top, a pink one with bacon-and-egg print. It felt so freeing to wear a crop top, like I was breaking an oppressive rule I’ve always wanted to rebel against… because that’s exactly what was happening. I was doing something society always told me was forbidden for people my size, and I was loving every second of it⁠—the feeling of air on my belly and arms, with my boobs being held in place by thin, pink fabric.

Learning about fat liberation helped me realize that I deserve to experience happiness just as much as a thin person does. Ever since I realized how happy it made me feel to wear cute fashion, I’ve been hooked. So, hooked, in fact, that I’m pretty sure that no amount of fatphobic insults will ever keep me from dressing how I want to dress. My only problem is that the plus size fashion world currently mostly offers muted, “modest” styles when I crave options that are cutesy and revealing.

Dressing cute has changed my life. Wearing a cute outfit helps me feel more confident, which has helped me cultivate more body confidence. Cute aesthetics also help me process and cope with difficult emotions. I still dress goth often and listen to goth music, but I feel as though the way I currently dress reflects a fuller range of my personality and style. One day, I might dress up as a cottagecore nymphet one day, then look like 90s goth the next day. The difference is that I now feel free to be share more of myself with the world, including my taste in fashion.

If you’re thinking about getting into any type of cute fashion, this is your sign to do it. Lay on the lace real thick. Cut your old band shirt into a crop top. Wear a miniskirt. You don’t need to be a certain size or gender to do any of these things, but it’s important for fat people of all genders to know that we, too, have the right to be cute.

Let fat people be soft. Let fat people wear cute prints. Let fat people wear clothes that show a lot of skin. Let us dress how we want and create our own narratives instead of superimposing a fatphobic lens onto us. Let fat people have plenty of cute clothes in extended plus sizes. Let fat people be cute. Cuteness has no size limits.

Essay and photos by Ghia Vitale