This Is Me by Giulia Ferrari

This is me and I am fat.

This is me and I am fat and if I don't look amused it's because I'm not.

This is me and I am fat and I am not amused and I am very far from home.

This is me and I am fat and I am not amused and I am very far from home and I worry.

I worry about a lot of things I didn't have to worry about 1 month ago.

My worries are everyone's worries right now.

What if my parents get the virus? And my brother? And my friends?

What if my husband and I get sick in this country we barely know?

But since this is me and I am fat I have to worry about other things as well.

This is me and I am fat and I'm not amused because every single day since this has started, I have to listen to my friends and family and the whole damn internet telling me how awful it's going to be once this is over and they'll be fat.

Oh-my-god-all-this-baking-is-going-to-give-me-diabetes-its-so-gross.

It's a joke don't you see? Laugh.

Why aren't you laughing Giulia? Ever so sensitive.

I am not laughing because even if you didn't mean to hurt anyone, you did.

This is me and I am fat and I have enough things to worry about already.

This is me and I am fat and it doesn't bother me on most days, but I still have to control my brain when it tells me not to eat today.

My brain that tells me if I eat that chocolate then I MUST FOR THE LOVE OF GOD go out and walk 4000 steps or so.

This is me and I am fat and I know how to deal with my own fatphobia.

It's an ongoing battle but my body and I are kicking its ugly ass.

I don't have to deal with your fatphobia too, though.

MY BODY IS NOT YOUR POST-QUARANTINE APOCALYPSE.

It is not my responsibility to unfollow you or to leave the group-chat or to explain to you why it isn't funny.

A fat person is not a punchline.

If you think they are, it is you who have to go, read, check your privilege and shut up.

This is me and I am fat and I am worried and I am very far from home and I am not amused and today, I have run out of patience.

Christchurch, New Zealand

28-03-20

You can follow Giulia on Instagram here.